Edith Hamilton Never Described Them Like That
by E-Gor The Undead
Summary: Percy just wanted a chicken sandwich, but bumped into the wrong person in the cafeteria. In short: Percy and Rachel fighting Ancient Greek monsters in Goode High School with adverse consequences to a bathroom. Takes place between BOTL and LOTO.


Why isn't there a character option for Percy's red haired horror? Don't make Rachel throw purple hairbrushes at you. They hurt.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians belongs to Rick Riordan, though I wish I owned his sense of humor.

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**Edith Hamilton Never Described Them Like That.**

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The lunch lady handed me a stale chicken sandwich. With a frown, I paid for it. At home, on the counter, was a wonderful, moist, chicken sandwich my mother had made from leftovers the night before. And there it had stayed.

Leaving the lunch line, I wove my way through the crowded cafeteria of Goode High School to my usual lunch table. Rachel looked up from a novel with chess pieces on the cover.

"You got school food?" she asked, staring doubtfully at the sandwich, probably pondering about what animal it was really made of.

"I left my lunch at home." I slid onto the bench of the table. "Sorry, for taking so long."

"You forgot condiments to drown that genetic mutation in," she told me, turning her attention back to her novel.

"Uh...okay." Glancing at the chicken sandwich I decided she was probably right, and got up.

"I'm going to get some ketchup," I said.

Rachel shrugged, eyes glued on the book. "Don't die on your quest. Annabeth would kill me."

I grunted something unintelligible and walked off, in a vain attempt to hide my flushed face. I shut my eyes and rubbed my head vainly trying to rid myself of that headache. _Girls made no sense sometimes_, I thought as I walked straight into _him_.

"Ow, sorry," I muttered to the large varsity football player I'd just run into.

He grunted at me.

"Sorry," I repeated I tried to walk by him. He moved to block me, and in the corner of my eye I saw Rachel turn white. My stomach lurched, and I was thankful I hadn't eaten yet.

I looked up at the big guy's face and stared at it. There was definitely mist there, and through it, I thought I could make out two horns. This can't end well. Monster. At school. I could already see the headlines and the expulsion paperwork. _Why did they always have to do this? I'd settle down and then they'd just go and destroy my world all over again. _I clenched my jaw. I was sick of it.

I spun around and took a detour around the football player, racing out of the cafeteria into the hallway. It would need luck, something I seemed to lack if the 15 years previous were any indication, but I could try. The school was filled with security cameras that would see me, except for maybe one place. I heard loud angry feet not far behind me as I reached the bathroom and dashed in. I pulled Riptide out of my pocket, uncapped it, and readied my stance.

The mist was gone as he burst through the door bellowing like a dying cow.

It was The Minotaur.

It felt like forever ago since I had last fought him, on my first night at Camp Half-Blood. The night Mom died. I'd lost consciousness and had awoken to see Annabeth for the first time.

_You drool in your sleep._

Still, I'd gotten my mom back, and Annabeth seemed to be convinced that we could be friends, if not more.

I shook the thought as he charged me. I jumped out of the way, and slashed at him, but he deflected Riptide with his horns, sending the blade across the room and shoving me backwards towards the row of toilets. I slipped on the wet tile and fell into a stall. The Minotaur roared a cry of victory and stabbed his horns down into the stall, a final deathblow.

_Wet_ tile. I was leaning against a toilet.

_Please help me Dad_, I prayed, hoping he wouldn't be too offended I was asking the Lord of the Ocean's help with moving toilet water. Again.

I raised my arms and thrust them at the oncoming horns, and the Minotaur bellowed in rage as he was blasted across the room with a stream of liquid. He scrambled to his feet and began a new charge, but I jumped out of the stall and scrambled towards, but the Minotaur changed directions cutting me off. I skidded to a stop, nearly avoiding sliding into him.

Then, in a flash of red hair, Rachel flew in, yelling on the top of her lungs and swinging a mop over her head in a way that would make any Amazon proud.

"HEY YOU! Come and get it you big horned numbskull!" she challenged, pointing the mop at the Minotaur, shaking her red hair like a bullfighter in a ring.

That settles it. She's insane.

While the Minotaur roared and rushed her, I took the distraction and dashed across the room to grab my sword. As convenient as the whole pocket thing was, I wished it would work a little faster. I closed my hands around the hilt and turned to see the monster practically on her.

"Dodge it, Rachel!" I shouted, but no, she brandished the mop and slammed it into the stomach of the Minotaur. It shattered into pieces on impact. The Minotaur stopped, glared down and reached out to grab her.

"Oh well, worth a try," Rachel muttered as she dashed out of the reach of the Minotaur's arms. Before she could go a few feet she slipped on the water and fell to the ground next to a sink.

I darted towards them but the Minotaur was closer. Rachel barely moved in time. as he slammed into the sink, in an explosion of glass and water, but before it could stand back up to its full height Rachel jumped on top of him, clinging to his horns. I was forced to stop and dodge as the Minotaur wildly swung around the room, trying to throw her off. If he went about much longer he would throw her off or crush her against a wall. I watched him for a moment more then saw an opening and shouted a battle cry as I saw an opening and stabbed him. For the second time in my life I saw the Minotaur turn to dust.

And as the dust fell to the ground it revealed my sword, _Anaklusmos_ squarely in the chest of Rachel Elizabeth Dare. My heart seized. Last time it had been Mom and this time Rachel?

Rachel looked calmly down at the sword, then at me, and strode forwards and slapped me in the face.

"What have I told you about waving that sword at me?!"

Oh. Right. Heavenly bronze doesn't hurt mortals.

"That hurt!" I complained rubbing my cheek. "Did you really have to slap me? Wouldn't a little 'Percy you're being an idiot' suffice?"

Rachel pointedly ignored my question and looked around the bathroom.

"This is a mess," she said.

"Tell me about it," I replied. The broken sink was leaking and the rubble was turning muddy. Or at least I hoped that was rubble.

"Hey, what's this?" Rachel was across the room and holding something up for me to see. A large ivory horn.

"It's the Minotaur's," I told her. "I still have one from the first time I fought it a few years ago."

"Want to make a Minotaur-horn Viking helmet?" She stuck it on her head and began to do an impression of a banshee, or maybe it was an opera singer.

"That's ridiculous, and not very Greek." I grinned nonetheless, and capped Riptide. "Look, you take it. I've already got one. I don't need two."

"Really? Great! I can throw _this_ at Kronos next time I see him." She stuffed the horn in her jacket.

I laughed but it made me feel empty. My sixteenth birthday was approaching, and Kronos had risen, as Luke no less. He was so close to his victory--the end of the world--or at least as we knew it. My laughter turned to a frown. Was Luke really in there? Annabeth thought so, but then again, Annabeth was biased on the issue. She wanted him to be, and a sick, dark part of me, didn't. Rachel saw my change in mood and opened her mouth, but before she could say anything someone else spoke.

"What is going on here? Mister Jackson? Miss Dare?"

I turned to seek Mrs. Boyer, our vice-principal staring at us in a look that was half glare, half confusion. I sighed in resigned acceptance; I knew this part all too well. I had really started to like Goode High School despite almost dying there on a few occasions. I started to open my mouth with some sort of apology, but Rachel spoke first.

"Mrs. Boyer! I don't know what happened! I was washing my hands and all of the sudden the sink blew up! It was so scary!" Tears streamed down her face. _I need to learn how to cry on will from her._

Her face softened, but then she turned to me.

"Jackson," she barked. "What are you doing in the girl's restroom?"

I blinked. _Girl's_ restroom. Okay, ADHD was good for battle senses, but there were times that I just as well my brain were wired for normal English than Ancient Greek.

"I…" I stopped for a moment and then the story came to me. "I'm sorry, I was walking down the hallway and I heard an explosion and someone screaming and I walked in and she was there looking scared and I didn't know what to do…"

Mrs. Boyer glared at me.

"What's in your hand?" she demanded. I showed her my pen. She looked confused, back and forth between Rachel and I and the disaster behind us. Water was starting to spill out into the hallway. I tried to look innocent, which seemed to make her more suspicious.

"What else are you holding?" she asked. I showed her that I didn't have anything but she didn't seem to believe me.

Really, the nerve of some people! Here I was holding a ballpoint pen, when Rachel had a Minotaur horn in her jacket. Seriously, what did she think I was carrying? An ancient Greek sword used by Hercules himself?

Mrs. Boyer sighed, and stared at the broken sink flooding the room.

"Mrs. Boyer! It's true!" Rachel pleaded and Mrs. Boyer's face softened once again. I wondered for a moment if Rachel could do more than just see beyond the mist. Maybe, those who weren't blinded by the mist just had a talent for seeing things in general. Monsters, things, and people, in all their levels. Maybe it wasn't substantial, and maybe they wouldn't notice it, but what if they were talented in convincing people? It was ridiculous, but normal things rarely made good stories, and the Greek Myths had lasted a long time. Still, I kept silent about it.

"This is going to be quite the cleanup," Mrs. Boyer muttered to herself running her hand through her grey hair. Turning her attention to us she added. "It's Perseus Jackson and Rachel Dare right? Get back to class, or are you at lunch?"

"Lunch." Rachel replied.

Mrs. Boyer nodded. "Right, you two, back to lunch. We need to stop the water first, but expect us to call you out of class to talk about the details of this." She stared pointedly at me.

Rachel and I nodded, and gladly took the invitation to leave. Mrs. Boyer pulled out a walky-talky and called for the janitors.

"That was close," Rachel whispered.

"Yeah."

Before we could return to the cafeteria the bell rang, and a mob of students stampeded out in a manner far too reminiscent of angry bulls. Rachel and I waded back to our table to find all of our belongings still there. Except my sandwich.

My stomach growled and I regretted all the insults I'd made to it earlier.

"Percy, I have to run, Dr Cohen will kill me if I'm late, we have a test today." Rachel said shouldering her backpack.

"Good luck. What's it on?" I responded gathering my books and pulling on my backpack.

"Greek Mythology." Rachel grinned, dashing towards the door.

"I hate you. Want to switch classes? We're reading Animal Farm." I burst out the cafeteria following

"Not a chance. Though I have to say, Edith Hamilton never described Minotaurs quite like that."

I rolled my eyes and took the hallway to the left. "Talk to you later."

"Don't get attacked by a chimera!" she shouted as she disappeared down the hall.

"I won't!" I shouted back.

Seconds before the bell rang I dashed into my English class with a feeling of victory. Things might go wrong this afternoon, or they might go right for once. All I knew was that at the moment, I felt okay. Not great, great meant something bad was going to happen. Just okay.

I grinned.

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A/N- I wanted to get this out before The Demigod Files, seeing as I believe Rick Riordan said it had a story about Percy at school. Notably, I wanted to get it out before about an hour and half before said deadline, but I procrastinated.

At any rate, this idea has been running through my head/rotting on my hardrive for a while. It was supposed to be short, and then grew to about eight pages. Not the most original, but it was a fun romp through with the characters and monsters, so I have no regrets.

The idea of Rachel's ability to convince people is mostly conjecture, and I never expect it to be addressed, but I think it fits in with the world. It's not an active power, it's more like a latent talent.

Oh, and first fanfic. Yay.


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